||[May. 22nd, 2008|04:14 pm]
|||||hallelujah, kate voegele.||]|
i dont know what to do right now.
it's thursday and i'll tell you about my week.
all weekend i didn't talk to albert, cause he was off doing other and better things and i knew something was up. monday, i fell asleep after school on the couch and i heard morgan and josh say they were going outside and so i fell back to sleep. about an hour later my mom comes home and starts freaking out cause she couldn't find them. they ended up being on the side yard playing with a saw. they're 10 and 11 yet they were playing with saws, and it was my fault. she started freaking out telling me i was irresponsible and how she wants me out of her house and this and that. it hurt, but i got over it. oh, and albert did something stupid to his hair over the weekend and i figured something was even more up with him because of all these changes. but the day ended okay, even though he wouldnt call me cause he was "talking on the phone long distance with his sister" idk if i believe that now. tuesday, started off a great day. i dont have sophomore lunch on tuesday, so i saw him when he was coming back from lunch. he kissed me and everything was fine. then bethany and i got into a fight and everything went down from there. we cleared things up and then it was time to leave. i saw albert, and we walked down the hallway holding hands and everything was great. i walked to his locker and then he was like 'im leaving' and i said alright. and we kissed, but he seemed weird at that moment and that moment only. i walked to my bus in the rain, got on the bus and went to sleep. i got awoken by a text message from him saying quote "im sorry marisa but we need a break" i called him and he wouldnt give me an actual reason. just that he has "shit going on" and i was only making it worse by asking him if we could talk and work it out. i cried my eyes out, and i swear to you he didnt care at all. i listened to him want to get off the phone while i was balling and he did not care. i prromise you this. i went to my dad's house which made it okay, but i was obviously still upset. wednesday we had a half day and he walked right in front of me lke i never exsisted. like we didnt date for 10 months, and it hurt so bad. i started walking to the corner so i could walk to mcdonalds with bethany and he walked in front of me with andy, and completely ignored me again. the worst feeling in the world is knowing that the person you are in love with, and have been in love with for almost a year and a half (4months the first time, 6 the second time) doesnt care about you at all and can walk right past you, like you two never loved at all. now, thursday i have scarlett fever &strep throat and feel like death
i want death, i want love, i want him. i dont know what i want.
i'm a mess. i need something, anything to make me sane again.